Articles

Amid or following divorce or separation, some families face the issue of one or more children refusing to be in contact with one of the parents. While the dynamics of any family experiencing this can be quite complicated, children may behave in this way for a variety...

It’s never easy to explain adult concepts to very young children. Not only do they have a limited vocabulary, but they generally have a limited ability to understand all but the simplest ideas about divorce, even at a time when they are just beginning to develop...

When parents divorce, they sometimes forget that their children didn’t also get a divorce. They still have their two-parent family, even if that family occupies two households instead of one. Sometimes, though, it seems too hard to figure out how to communicate with...

No matter what age children are when their parents divorce, it is a major, life-altering experience. This is true for children who live at home as well as for adult children. The first year after a divorce is the most crucial, regardless of age, as all involved—adults...

This is a big topic. It may be at the core of why many divorces do not proceed well. The ability to forgive can be quite complex, depending on the events and issues under consideration. However, forgiveness may be one of the most important and perhaps most powerful...

Children often feel or actually are voiceless when their parents divorce. It is a highly emotional time for parents, and kids sometimes become part of the fabric of the conflict as each parent decides what he or she thinks is in the best interests of the children....

Change is difficult for most people. It is difficult whether we are the ones making the change or if the change is occurring because of someone else’s decision. This is most often true in the case of divorce. Whether we decide or our partner does, there will be...

Welcome to the 21st century, where Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and a host of other social networking sites have made it possible for you to be in touch with your old high school or college friends, long lost relatives, people you worked with 15 years ago, and that...

We often find ourselves in marriages or long-term relationships that become difficult. Part of the reason this could happen may have to do with feeling hurt by the other person, and then feelings of anger soon follow. We have expectations of our partners sometimes...

In my work with couples who are learning how to parent their children together after ending their marriage/relationship, we spend a good deal of time talking about how the ending of their relationship affects their children, what the internal experience of a child...

One of the most difficult times in our lives is when we choose or are faced with changing some of the most basic aspects of how we live. Where we live, who we live with, what our children experience, how much financial security we have, or what kind of work we do are...

The decision has been made. You and your spouse are divorcing. There are a multitude of decisions to be made, and it is often difficult to know where to begin. You will be making decisions regarding when the children are with you and when they are with your spouse,...

You’re getting a divorce. In addition to the friends you brought into the relationship, you and your ex have made many friends together through your children’s activities, your jobs and the places you have volunteered. You both rely on their friendships to help with...

There are many ways one parent can influence how children perceive their other parent. This is often a positive experience for children, as they learn to appreciate both of their parents as individuals. Other times—especially during a divorce—this is a negative...

We know that when a marriage ends it is the parents who are divorcing. But do we think about the fact that our children aren’t getting a divorce, they are getting two households in which to continue living with their family. Their parents relationship is changing to...

You’ve been divorced for three years and have been working at moving on in your life, establishing new relationships and feeling so much better about yourself than you have in a very long time. You are grateful for your friends and family and the support they have...

Many of you may remember the role of the Greek Chorus in literature classes from high school or college. They appeared in the works of Sophocles, Aeschylus, Euripidies and Aristophanes, to name just a few. Their role was to explain what they thought was going on and...

On a fairly regular basis I am asked by a divorced parent how old their child must be before they can choose which parent they want to live with. Many parents tell me their child will be 12 years old, 13 years old, 14 years old soon and will be able to make their own...

You’ve been together now for about 14 years. For the past four-to-five years, you’ve wondered if you can stay together any longer. You’re interests have changed, you don’t enjoy doing things together as much. You find you are impatient and want to have the closeness,...

You thought that getting divorced was going to make parenting easier. You thought your communication was going to improve because you weren’t living together anymore. You had high hopes that things would settle down and all the hurt, disappointments and anger would...

You and your spouse have decided to divorce. It is difficult enough that you are experiencing a major upheaval in your life. In addition to the feelings you may have of fear, anxiety, anger, or frustration, you also have children. Their lives are changing as well. You...

Most divorcing parents believe their children are being protected from the details of their divorce. They speak quietly into the phone when discussing the divorce with family and friends. They don’t leave court papers or their financial documents around. They only...

As parents move into co-parenting after divorce, one of the many questions that arise is who will care for the children when the parent with whom they are scheduled to be cared for has to be somewhere else (a business trip, a doctor’s appointment, etc.) The right of...

When parents divorce, it begins a series of events that require thoughtful and considered decisions about their children’s future.  It soon becomes starkly evident how many decisions a parent must make on a daily basis and how much coordination it takes to make a...

People who have been in long marriages or relationships get to know each other rather well. They can often anticipate what the other person might say or do or think or want, you get the picture. In loving relationships, partners might sometimes have a reliance on each...

Parents often ask me to describe what options they have for their post-divorce living arrangements. In addition to the many ways it is possible for children go back and forth between two residences, there is also the possibility of having children stay in the home...

Caveat: Because court jurisdictions vary, the information included here is based on Alameda and Contra Costa counties in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can find out about the rules in your jurisdiction by contacting an attorney or asking the public information...

Parent #1: It’s already December. We need to decide about Christmas and you had Johnny last year. Why do you think you should have him again this year? Parent #2: You know how important Christmas is to me. I’ll take him to my parents and he’ll have all his...

“When is Johnny’s baseball game? I need to know the schedule. Does it conflict with some of the other activities he is telling me he wants to sign up for?” “Susie is consistently late for her piano lesson because we don’t know when Bobby’s soccer game is over.” These...

“And what’s romance? Usually, a nice little tale where you are everything as you like it, where rain never wets your jacket and gnats never bite your nose and it’s always daisy-time.” – D. H. Lawrence D. H. Lawrence reminds us that “romance” isn’t what we live with...

When parents divorce they are faced with the need to continue a relationship that has not worked. For some this is not a difficult transition. They set up separate households, work out a parenting plan, communicate efficiently about the needs of the children, and,...

Your relationship with your children’s other parent has ended. It may not have been an easy transition. Perhaps you have felt some combination of hurt, anger, depression, relief, guilt, uncertainty, or hopefulness. Maybe you’ve taken the time to address your feelings...

Many of you have been in the position of either deciding to divorce or having been asked for a divorce. Either way, you will be making important emotional, legal, and financial decisions with a person with whom you are most likely in some kind of conflict. As you...